Alan's Party from Hell experience (Dec 2, 1995).

I was recently invited to a co-worker's holiday party. I should have gotten a hint when I asked what "semi-formal" meant and was told it required a tie. Sorry, I don't like ties, thus I don't wear ties. I understand that there are people that do like ties. Then again, there are people that like straight jackets and I don't hang out with them either.

Upon arriving at the party, I was greeted at the door by prom-ish dressed hostesses and their tux-clad escorts. Hint #2. Did I turn and run screaming into the night? Nope.

A quick look at the "buffet" revealed lots of dead beasts. As a veggie, I don't do beasts. Unfortunately, I was next to someone who really liked the shrimp. In fact, he recommended the shrimp. In fact, after I declined some shrimp he *insisted* that I try it. I then explained I was a vegetarian and didn't eat meat. His response? "Oh, I *love* cucumbers and tomatos!" This was Hint #3.

Catching a slight clue that this wasn't my kind of hangout, I retreated to a corner to chat with the "poet" I'd been introduced to earlier in the evening. The Poet was a nice guy. I actually enjoyed talking with him. After some chit-chat we got into an extended conversation about some "classic" poets. Then moved into a discussion about the poetry of the Beats. The Poet casually comments that he's a fan of "the best poet ever". Needless to say, my curiousity was piqued so I asked "okay, who?". "Roger Waters." This was Hint #4.

Proving I'm not both stupid *and* dumb (you decide which) I finally caught the Major Clue (tm) that I was out of my element. I got the hell out of there. Now don't get me wrong, I certainly don't think I'm better than the participants of this party. Its just that my social circle is very different. I was never into the greek scene in college. I don't hang out at golf clubs, in malls or at trendy bars. I'm just different. At this particular party, I was very different. Anyway, on the way I tried to compose a spur-of-the-moment-drunken poem. I'll eventually post it.


Hell, maybe I am a poet?

[...to be added later...]


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Alan Fleming alanf@dorje.com