A news item has been circulating around the ‘net for the past few weeks about Lexus cars getting infected by a computer virus that is transmitted via the Bluetooth protocol. The virus was apparently targeted towards cell phones but the built-in wireless connection in the Lexus is apparently susceptible as well. This is the first reported case of a car getting a computer virus but is unlikely to be the last. With more and more vehicles containing Bluetooth or other forms of wireless technology so that consumer devices like cell phones can be more easily integrated, I’m sure virus writers will soon turn their attention to this uncharted territory of digital mayhem.

Which brings me to today’s blog topic…a big deal as been made this year about BMW’s computing technology they are using for their new bikes. Specifically, the new K series BMW motorcycles utilize a revolutionary computer system, transplanted from the BMW cars, which uses a distributed computer network to handle the various functions of the bike like fuel injection, ignition, ABS brakes, spark and the “console” displays. The press releases have all shown how the CAN-bus just uses a few wires to transmit digital signals between these distributed processors, meaning no more large bundles of wire in a bulking wiring harness. They’ve also highlighted out this allows more interaction between the various components and will allow for future advancements like traction control.

What has gotten less press is that BMW is also starting to integrate Bluetooth wireless technology in their bikes to enable accessories like HUD (heads up display), communication devices like cell phones, intercoms or CBs and entertainment accessories like radio and CD players. The new BMW System V helmet has integrated speakers, independent processing computer, Bluetooth antenna, microphone, inflatable accident triggered neck ring and other fancy devices. So soon, the bike’s onboard computer systems will be able to keep the rider informed, entertained and safe all without the needs for wires.

I’m sure you can see where this is going. If not, then understand that as someone who makes his living in the high tech world and who is obsessed with motorcycles, this news scares the living crap outta me. I spend all day working on complex computer networks which are the most frustrating, unstable and laborious systems imaginable. Its bad enough that my job is dependent on these vile contraptions. Worse yet that in some dark, air-conditioned data rooms around the world my finances, my legal status and my life history are monitored by these digital monsters. Now the stillness of my motorcycle refuge is about to be disrupted by the same problems that already make my 9-to-5 such hell.

I can see it now. I’m riding the road on my fancy new BMW motorcycle, listing to my MP3s on the integrated radio/CD/MP3/XM satellite entertainment system. My Bluetooth helmet’s HUD display shows that I’m cruising near the speed limit and that the outside temperature is hot but isn’t affecting the engine’s performance. Just as I queue the intercom button to tell my riding buddy that the GPS shows a right turn is coming up, the whole system goes nuts. The inflatable helmet ring, designed to protect my neck case of an accident, triggers which pushes the helmet up around my ears. The in-helmet speakers start making strange noises and the HUD display starts flashing numbers and letters. distracting me in this critical moment. This terrifying chaos causes me to instinctively grab the brakes, which would likely cause an accident had the onboard computer not overloaded the ABS system preventing the brakes from locking or even working. Still, it does end the ride early because the computer also causes the bike’s ignition system to fire the spark plugs too soon which overheats the engine, locks up the crankshaft and dumps the whole bike onto the shoulder of the road. All because I rode past some yuppie yapping away on their cell phone which happened to have been infected with the latest virus. Oh, and I forgot to update the Beemer’s computer system with the security patches this week. Ah, just another fine day of riding my bike.

I was willing to accept the advantages that come with new technology like black boxes and fuel injection when they replaced points and carburetors. What motorcyclist would give up tubeless tires, halogen lights and rebound damping? From time to time, I’ve even been known to listen to my wife’s MP3 player while riding. But like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, I’ve looked behind the curtain of the computer world enough to know that the big green head isn’t what it appears to be. All that seamless integration and plug-n-play functionality brings with it a risk I’d prefer not to take.

Hmm…maybe setting points with a gum wrapper wasn’t so bad after all.

[image from the Sport Rider web site.]