So winter has arrived in the mountains of Colorado. The bikes are begrudingly shoved to the corners of the garage so my wife’s car can fit inside. I’m holding off on that last oil change needed to winterize the bikes, in the hopes that a little more sun, a little less snow and lots of wishing will melt out a little path so I can get in just one more ride. But the case of fresh oil, the 5 gallon gas can and the bottle of Sta-bil are beckoning me more with each cold weekend.

Since I won’t be riding for at least three months, I’m back to finding a creative way to feed my motorcycle jones during the dark days of cold and ice. And thus is acknowledged the key components of motorcycle porn:

First and foremost is Road Racer X magazine. These guys clearly have watched me for years in order to create a publication that completely pegs my geek meter. I’d pay twice their subscription rate, just to read their interviews with racers, but don’t tell them (or my wife). The photos are amazing (no really, Honey, I get the magazine for the articles). It is really rather sick how much I enjoy their magazine, as I don’t think I was this happy about real porn when I was a horny teen. By February, I’d be humping the bikes like a puppy if it weren’t for having an outlet this effective.

Second, video stimulation really plugs into the most basic desires of the male and Outdoor Life Network’s coverage of the AMA’s SuperMoto series has more slipping and sliding than a jello wrestling contest. I think the commentators still have some learning to do but the racing is so cool they could just play musak over the video and I’d be happy. Besides, Jeff Ward is older than me and still winning national championships. Since the road race season won’t start until March, its nice to have some racing on the tube. Awesome! The icing on the visual stimulation cake is that the collector’s edition of Faster will be released in December, giving twice the MotoGP action of the original release. Swwwweeeettttt!

Third, modern technology has allowed computers to fulfill our darkest desires. At the top of my Christmas list this year is a new GPS since my current 6 year old unit doesn’t allow downloading of maps. I don’t know which model of GPS I’ll buy yet but either way I’ll get a software package with roads, trails and topo maps to explore. Talk about computer sex! After a half an hour playing around with Garmin’s City Source online demo, I was panting and moaning “those curves, wow, look at all those curves”.

Finally, I can just take things into my own hands…by working on the bikes. I know ahead of time that that most of the things on my “to do” list won’t get done, just because its so hard to work in a cold garage with freezing tools. Still, there are a few things I hope to get done, like finally mounting the PIAA driving lights on the Beemer and installing the new rotors on the GSXR. I can always just sit on the bikes and make “vroom…vroom” noises.

It is painful to think that spring is so many months away! Fortunately, the right magazines, the right videos, my computer and some time alone with the bikes will make it pass all that much faster.

[image from AMA Supermoto web site]