HOW A MAN CAN TELL IF A WOMAN HAS PMS

1.  She stops reading Glamour and starts reading Guns and Ammo.

2.  She considers chocolate a major FDA food group.

3.  You ask her what time it is, and she replies,"What do you mean I
    look fat?!"

4.  She makes you sleep on the couch because all the potato chips
    and cheesedoodles have taken up your side of the bed.

5.  She puts on one of those pads with "wings," then flies off the
    roof laughing  hysterically while riding a broom.

6.  Her jeans grow 2 sizes larger while her canine teeth grow 2
    inches  longer

7.  She's developed a new talent for spinning her head around in 360
    degree  circles.

8.  She retains more water than Lake Superior.

9.  She denies she's in a bad mood as she pops a clip into her
    semiautomatic and  "chambers one."

10. She buys you a new T-shirt-----with a bulls-eye on the front.

11. You ask her to please pass the salt at the dinner table and she
    says,"All I  ever do is give, give, give!  AM I SUPPOSED TO DO
    EVERYTHING?"

12. She answers every question with the same answer, "Over my dead body!"

13. She's more paranoid than O.J. Simpson in a Bruno Magli shoe store.

14. She looks at you thru her thumb and index finger and makes the
    "I'll  squish  your tiny head" gesture.

15. She enrolls in the Lizzie Borden School of Charm.

16. She orders 3 Big Macs, 4 large fries, a bucket of Chicken McNuggets, 
    and then mauls the manager because they're out of Diet Coke.