The following is from a sheet, without copyright notice, printed by
Baldy Sayings, 901 Arendell Street, Morehead City, NC 28557.
  
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EXAMPLES OF UNCLEAR WRITING, SENTENCES TAKEN FROM ACTUAL LETTERS
RECEIVED BY A LOCAL WELFARE DEPARTMENT TO APPLICATIONS FOR SUPPORT... 
  
I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children.  I have
seven, but one which was baptised on a half sheet of paper.
  
I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two
years old.  When do I get my money?
  
Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited by
the clergy regularly. 
  
I cannot get sick pay.  I have six children.  Can you tell me why?
  
I am glad to report that my husband who was missing is dead.
  
This is my ninth child.  What are you going to do about it?
  
Please find for certain if my husband is dead.  The man I am now
living with can't eat or do _anything_ until he knows for sure.
  
I am very annoyed to find you have branded my son illiterate.  This
is as dirty lie, as I was married a week before he was born.
  
In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing ten
pounds.  I hope this is satisfactory.
  
I am fowarding my marriage certificate and three children, one of
which is a mistake as you can see.
  
My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and I haven't had
any relief since.  What are you going to do about it?
  
Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon I will be forced to lead 
an immortal life.
  
You have changed my little boy to a little girl.  Will this make any 
difference?
  
I have no children yet as my husband is a truck driver and works day
and night.
  
In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in
the enclosed envelope.
  
I want my money as quick as I can get it.  I've been in bed with the
doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good.  If things do not
improve, I will have to send for another doctor.
  
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THE FOLLOWING ARE ACTUAL QUOTES FROM ENGLISH TERM PAPERS:
  
Mark Twain said it much better.  See his essay: 
"English as She is Taught."
  
This is a collection of things schoolchildren have written,
with appropriate commentary.  Some examples: 
  
 There are a good many donkeys in theological gardens.
  
 Every sentence and name of God must begin with a caterpillar.
  
 To find the number of square feet in a room you multiply
 the room by the number of the feet.  The product is the result.
  
 Climate lasts all the time and weather only a few days. 
  
 The men employed by the Gas Company go around
 and speculate the meter.
  
 Inertia is that property of bodies by virtue of which it
 cannot change its own condition of rest or motion.
 In other words it is the negative quality of passiveness
 either in recoverable latency or insipient latescence.
  
 GIRLS:
 Girls are very stuck up and dignefied in their manner
 and be have your.  They think more of dress than anything
 and like to play with dowls and rags.  They cry if they see
 a cow in a far distance and are afraid of guns.  They stay
 at home all the time and go to church on Sunday.  They are
 al-ways sick.  They are al-ways funy and making fun of boy's
 hands and they say how dirty.  They cant play marbels.
 I pity them poor things.  They make fun of boys and then
 turn round and love them.  I dont beleave they ever
 kiled a cat or anything.  They look out every nite and say
 oh ant the moon lovely.  Thir is one thing I have not told
 and that is they al-ways now their lessons bettern boys.
  
[I think I got all the spelling errors right]