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 ACTIVITY           CALORIES BURNED         ACTIVITY            CALORIES BURNED
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REMOVING CLOTHES:                        ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE:
 With partner's consent..........12       Shoes flew off...................35
 Without partner's consent......187       Expression didn't change.........1/2
                                          Orchestra swelled.................6
UNHOOKING BRA:                            Birds sang
 Using two calm hands.............7        Large birds......................7
 Using one trembling hand........36        Small birds......................3
                                          Earth moved......................30
GETTING INTO BED:
 Lifting partner.................15      PULLING OUT:
 Dragging partner along floor....16       After orgasm......................1/2
 Using skateboard.................3       A few moments before orgasm......500

ACHIEVING ERECTIONS:                     PENIS ENVY:
 For normal healthy man...........2.5     For woman..........................3
 Losing erection.................14       For men...........................72
 Searching for it...............115
                                         GUILT:
PUTTING ON CONDOM:                        Despite no formal training,orgasm
 With erection....................1.5     comes easily,naturally............53
 Without erection...............300       You're enjoying sex,despite the
                                          fact that other people are
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM:                      starving...........................2
 If the woman who does it is              Sex on your lunch hour.............3
  Experienced.....................6       Puttting it on expense account....20
  Inexperienced..................73
 If a man does it...............680      AGGRAVATION:
 Add (5) calories for retreiving it       Partner keeps showing plants.......5
 from accross the room.                   Partner insists on cuddling the dog
                                          during foreplay...................14
POSITIONS ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY:       Partner just visited bathroom for
 Italian- Man on top,woman in             7th time..........................10
 kitchen.........................26       Partner is taking phone calls......7
 Russian- Woman on bottom,                Partner is making phone calls.....40
 Man getting permission..........55
 American- Both on top...........60      GETTING CAUGHT:
                                          By partner's spouse...............60
POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF INTERCOURSE:     By your spouse...................100
 Bouncing.........................7       Trying to explain.................55
 Sliding around...................9       Trying to remain calm............100
 Serious skidding................12       Leaping out of bed................75
 Whiplash........................27       Getting dressed in one motion....500
                                          Thanking partner quickly...........2
ORGASM:
 Real............................27
 Faked..........................160