The following appeared in the September 1986 issue of "SIGPLAN
   Notices" (Volume 21, number 9):

               Selecting a Programming Language Made Easy
                   Daniel Solomon & David Rosenblueth
         Department of Computer Science, University of Waterloo
                   Waterloo, Ontario, Canada N2L 3G1

With such a large selection of programming languages it can be
difficult to choose one for a particular project. Reading the manuals
to evaluate the languages is a time consuming process. On the other
hand, most people already have a fairly good idea of how various
automobiles compare. So in order to assist those trying to choose a
language, we have prepared a chart that matches programming languages
with comparable automobiles.
	
        Assembler - A Formula I race car. Very fast, but difficult to
        drive and expensive to maintain.

        FORTRAN II - A Model T Ford. Once it was king of the road.

        FORTRAN IV - A Model A Ford.

        FORTRAN 77 - A six-cylinder Ford Fairlane with standard
        transmission and no seat belts.

        COBOL - A delivery van. It's bulky and ugly, but it does the
        work.

        BASIC - A second-hand Rambler with a rebuilt engine and
        patched upholstry. Your dad bought it for you to learn to
        drive.  You'll ditch the car as soon as you can afford a new
        one.

        PL/I - A Cadillac convertible with automatic transmission, a
        two-tone paint job, white-wall tires, chrome exhaust pipes,
        and fuzzy dice hanging in the windshield

        C - A black Firebird, the all-macho car. Comes with optional
        seat belts (lint) and optional fuzz buster (escape to
        assembler).

        ALGOL 60 - An Austin Mini. Boy, that's a small car.

        Pascal - A Volkswagon Beetle. It's small but sturdy. Was once
        popular with intellectuals.

        Modula II - A Volkswagon Rabbit with a trailer hitch.

        ALGOL 68 - An Astin Martin. An impressive car, but not just
        anyone can drive it.

        LISP - An electric car. It's simple but slow. Fully padded,
        cell-like interior eliminates the need for seat belts.
        (run time automatic protection would be air bags.)

        PROLOG/LUCID - Prototype concept-cars.

        Maple/MACSYMA - All-terrain vehicles.

        FORTH - A go-cart.

        LOGO - A kiddie's replica of a Rolls Royce. Comes with a real
        engine and a working horn.

        APL - A double-decker bus. Its takes rows and columns of
        passengers to the same place all at the same time. But, it
        drives only in reverse gear, and is instrumented in Greek.

        Ada - An army-green Mercedes-Benz staff car. Power steering,
        power brakes and automatic transmission are all standard.  No
        other colors or options are available. If it's good enough for
        the generals, it's good enough for you.  Manufacturing delays
        due to difficulties reading the design specification are
        starting to clear up.

Added later:

        C++ - De Lorean.  Very powerful, modern look, but it is built on a
        standard Firebird chassis and uses standard Firebird engine.
        Instrumentation is ultra-modern, but looks in some cases as
        if the designers had been doing a little cocaine.  Eight point
        safety harness standard, but seat belt buzzer can be disabled.

        Scheme - a Citroen 2CV. Small, simple, and light. Can be easily
        understood by almost anybody and can be completely dissassembled
        with one spanner (whilst in motion).  Most missing features can
        be added.

        Smalltalk - a Harvester school bus, full of classes of chattering
        kids.  Sure is slow but everybody gets to school. Previouly used
        by a bunch of hippies and pranksters to tour round parks
        in California. Still shows it's psychedelic origins in its
        paint job and windows.

        Simula67 - a blue SAAB 96. Been around since the early 70s, but
        still runs fine despied its mileage. Still uses the original 
        3 cyclinder engine. Difficult to get parts, but the owner
        would never dream of selling it. A classic.

        Fortran8X (8A?) - Ford's new prototype car for the 1990's. Still
        not released.  Believed to be a cross between a Ford Pinto and
        a Abrams tank, it has the firepower of the former and the fuel
        consumption of the latter. Still capable of using spare parts
        from a Model T.  Expected to find widespread use in industry as
        a tow truck.