Men are notorious liars about their penis length, particularly when talking
on computer networks.  The following foolproof test should help solve this
problem.

1) Disrobe and stand by your keyboard.  Rest your left testicle in the 
  rounded hollow on top of the "1" key.  Rest your right testicle in the
  key immediately below that. (The "Q" key on a standard keyboard, probably
  something different on the Dvorak keyboard.  You lumberjacks may have to
  use the "A" or even the "Z" key).

2) Grasp your *thing* in your right hand and slap it firmly across the
  number key row on your keyboard.  (For instance, my result is "1234567890-"
  the backspace key removes the "=".)

3) Place a copy of the June, 1981 Playboy open to the centerfold at a
  distance of 2.5 feet.  Rest your *thing* on the keyboard and stare
  intently at the girl pictured for five minutes or until your feet leave
  the ground.  Repeat step 1.

4) After practicing, do this next time you are bragging about your
  penis lenght so everyone will know the truth.

CAUTIONS:

1) Do not attempt this test after swimming.  You will skew the results.

2) Black men may wish to use a special extended keyboard, or place
  two keyboards end to end.

3) if you try this test on a public keyboard, you may want to swab it
  down with alcohol first.

4) On some keyboards, severe sparking may result.  Be sure to keep a 
  fire extinguisher handy and DON'T BE AFRAID TO USE IT!

Incidentally, this test can also be used to diagnose some genital
disorders:

If your test looks like this:     Then:
-----------------------------     -----

1                                 You suffer from short penis syndrome.

12367                             You have a strange gap in your penis.

12efgbn                           Your penis has a right hand bend,
                                    commonly called "Jerker's Lean".

12wgui,l=]\                       Seek immediate medical care.