"If Men REALLY Ruled The World

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically
forward your call to her real number.

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an
acceptable response to "I love you."

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?"
cards.

When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the
game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the
screen during a time-out.

Breaking up would be a lot easier.  A "See you later." would
pretty much do it.

Drinking any type of beer would be a 100%-effective birth
control method.

Your resume references would never be checked.

Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes
of the NFL team of your choice.

The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

"Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night." would
be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow, and
you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of
a brontosaurus and right into your car.

It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put
on horned helmets and pillage a nearby town.

Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for
violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

Women in bars would fall into your arms whenever
you said, "Come here often?"

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Garbage would take itself out.

Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you would
expected to present your wife-to-be with a giant
foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so
it would only occur in leap years.

On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the
day off to go drinking.  Mother's Day, too. And your birthday.

St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same.
Only it would be celebrated every month.