Marriage Humor

It doesn't much signify who one marries, for one is sure to find
out the next morning it was someone else.
                      --Rogers

If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry
                      --Chekhov

The most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf
man to a blind woman.
                      --Coleridge

Were it not for imagination, sir, a man would be as happy in the arms
of a chambermaid as a duchess.
                      --Dr. Johnson

If a man hears much that a woman says, she is not beautiful. 
                      --Haskins

A man does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself.
                      --Du Bois

A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of the house.
                      --Moliere

Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the
real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
                      --Goethe

In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.
                      --Butler

A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to
endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy.
                      --Nietzsche

Men who cherish for women the highest respect are seldom popular
with them.
                      --author unknown

Woman inspires us to great things and prevents us from achieving
them.
                      --Dumas

Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely
given them little.
                      --Dr. Johnson

The great question...which I have not been able to answer...
is, "What does a woman want?
                      --Freud

Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage
is to a cockatoo.
                      --Shaw

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in,
and those inside desperate to get out.
                      --Montaigne

For a male and female to live continuously together is...
biologically speaking, an extremely unnuatural condition.
                      --Robert Briffault

Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of you life paying
for it.
                      --Baskins

A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own flowers.
                      --author unknown

A man is not complete until he is married...then he is finished.
                      --author unknown

Marriage is a rest period between romances.
                      --author unknown

Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
                      --author unknown

Marriage is the trip between Niagra Falls and Reno.
                      --author unknown

Marriage is an institution, but who wants to live in one?
                      --author unknown

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your
spouse would have preferred.
                      --author unknown

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.  Second 
marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
                      --author unknown

Marriage is not a word.  It is a sentence.
                      --author unknown

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying
 the whole girl.
                        --Stephen Leacock--

The history of woman is the history of the worst form of tyranny the
 world has every known; the tyranny of the weak over the strong.  It
 is the only tyranny that lasts.
                   --Oscar Wilde--






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Getting married is very much like going to a continental
 restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you
 see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you
 wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied,
 "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's
 degree and the woman gets her master's.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to
 get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm
 still paying for it."

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a
 man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
 Dad: That happens in most countries, son.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness
 was until I got married; and then it was too late.

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives
 and the wife takes.
 
Three rings: Engagement ring, Wedding ring, Suffering.
 
When a newly married man looks happy we know why. But when a
 ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why.

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage,
 the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year,
 the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they
 both speak and the neighbours listen.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was
 a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear,
 but I was in love and didn't notice it."

It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job,
 he still ends up with the same boss.
 
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next
 day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
 "You can have mine."

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure
 of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.
 
A woman was telling her friend , "It is I who made my husband a
 millionaire."  "And what was he before you married him." Asked the
 friend. The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".