Marriage Humor It doesn't much signify who one marries, for one is sure to find out the next morning it was someone else. --Rogers If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry --Chekhov The most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. --Coleridge Were it not for imagination, sir, a man would be as happy in the arms of a chambermaid as a duchess. --Dr. Johnson If a man hears much that a woman says, she is not beautiful. --Haskins A man does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself. --Du Bois A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of the house. --Moliere Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. --Goethe In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved. --Butler A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy. --Nietzsche Men who cherish for women the highest respect are seldom popular with them. --author unknown Woman inspires us to great things and prevents us from achieving them. --Dumas Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little. --Dr. Johnson The great question...which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want? --Freud Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is to a cockatoo. --Shaw Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. --Montaigne For a male and female to live continuously together is... biologically speaking, an extremely unnuatural condition. --Robert Briffault Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of you life paying for it. --Baskins A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own flowers. --author unknown A man is not complete until he is married...then he is finished. --author unknown Marriage is a rest period between romances. --author unknown Marriage is the sole cause of divorce. --author unknown Marriage is the trip between Niagra Falls and Reno. --author unknown Marriage is an institution, but who wants to live in one? --author unknown Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have preferred. --author unknown Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. --author unknown Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence. --author unknown Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. --Stephen Leacock-- The history of woman is the history of the worst form of tyranny the world has every known; the tyranny of the weak over the strong. It is the only tyranny that lasts. --Oscar Wilde-- ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man." Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it." Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late. A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes. Three rings: Engagement ring, Wedding ring, Suffering. When a newly married man looks happy we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen. After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it." It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife. A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes. A woman was telling her friend , "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him." Asked the friend. The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".