Our company provides its employees with free bagels and schmears (cream
cheese spreads) three days a week. Recently this triggered the following
email exchange:
 
---Message 1---
 
Everyone,
In the future, when the Shmears run out, please don't go digging
through the fridge and pulling out any old bagel toppings.  Please
respect other people's property.
Thanks.
 
---Message 2---
 
Unless properly marked, all items in the 1820 fridge are (for the most
part) considered fair game.  Otherwise, things just end up sitting in
there forever.  It is difficult to know what is public property and
what is private property unless it is properly marked.
 
---Message 3---
 
Boy, I hope we don't have to have a policy about this.  But I disagree.
It is safest if you label your personal stuff,
but people should NOT be helping themselves to food in the fridge if it
is not very likely in the "public domain."
 
---Message 4---
 
Okay, okay, what I really meant was that to avoid confusion on certain
items that are commonly thought to be public items you should mark
them with your name. No one is going to take your bag
lunch, or bottle of mineral water.  But they might take your left over
piece of pizza, thinking it was left over from a training lunch.
 
---Message 5---
 
I think you shouldn't take unmarked food. There is a health risk from
food poisoning.  One is never quite sure how long food has been in the
refrigerator unless it is your own.  I know someone who became *very*
sick when he used mayo from a refrigerator that had been there for a
while.
 
---Message 6---
 
That's an excellent point.  If anyone puts poisoned food in the
refrigerator, please make sure it is *clearly* marked with your name.
 
---Message 7---
 
For those who ate the shmear, we regret to inform you that it actually
was unmarked really old mayonaisse.  Please report to sick bay for treatment.
 
---Message 8---
 
I think we need to organize a commitee to gather the requirements
surrounding the Shmear issues.
 
---Message 9 (from the QA manager)---
 
After that is done we certainly need to hold a design review for the
poison Shmear....after all gotta make sure that poison works...
 
---Message 10 (from a programmer)---
 
We should have following waterflow process:
 
1. Concept Whitepaper
1a. Go back to (1) if something is wrong.
 
2. Functional Requirment Specification
2a. Validation and Verification Plan for (2)
2b. Go back to (2) if something is wrong.
 
3. Implementation Specification
3a. Validation and Verification Plan for (3)
3b. Go back to (3) if something is wrong.
 
4. Test Plan
4a. Validation and Verification Plan for (4)
4b. Go back to (4) if something is wrong.
 
5. Documentation Plan
5a. Validation and Verification Plan for (5)
5b. Go back to (5) if something is wrong.
 
6. Support Plan
6a. Validation and Verification Plan for (6)
6b. Go back to (6) if something is wrong.
 
7. Prototyping
7a. Go back to (7) if something is wrong.
 
8. Implementation
8a. Go back to (8) if something is wrong.
 
9. Whitebox Testing
9a. Validate the test result.
 
10. Functional Testing
10a. Validate the test result.
 
11. Technical Support
11a. Validate the support effort.
 
12. Go back to (1) always. For the next release.
12a. Validate the necessity of (12)
 
This may not be sufficient for ISO 9K.
 
---Message 11 (From a tech writer)---
 
Ok, but I can't document this without a working model...
 
---Message 12---
 
I think we need to form a police task force called SHMEAR:
 
Stop
Hogging
My
Eats
And
Relish
 
---Message 13---
 
QA to the rescue on the poison testing.  I say we have [the QA manager] test
last, when we're really sure its ready to ship.
 
---Message 14 (From the CEO)---
 
Some companies remove Pointcast from their system because it bogs down the
net.  Some companies remove browsers form desktops because it encourages
undirected surfing.
 
Our company is debilitated by cream cheese.
 
(There were no further messages.)