AN HONEST RESUME'

As Randy was working on re-spinning his resume' this past week, he
realized that we're never quite truthful on resume's and job
applications.  We try to make ourselves look as good as possible,
usually better than we really are.  So today, Randy thought he'd
fill out a job application the way he wants to rather than the
way he should .....

NAME:  Randy Allen

DESIRED POSITION:  Reclining. Ha Ha. But seriously, whatever's
available.  If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying
here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY:  $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
style severance package.  If that's not possible, make an offer and we
can haggle.

EDUCATION:  Yup.

LAST POSITION HELD:  Target for middle-management hostility.

SALARY:  Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:  My incredible collections of hubcaps and beer
bottles.

REASON FOR LEAVING:  It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:  Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:  1:30 - 3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?  Yes, but they're better suited to a
more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:  If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING
UP TO 50 LBS?:  Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:  I think the more appropriate question here would be
"Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:  I may already be
a winner in the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?:  Only when set on fire.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:  Living in Bimini with a
fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since
sliced bread.  Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?:  No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

SIGN HERE:  Scorpio with Libra rising.