Q. Why do they put Marines on Navy ships?
A. Sheep would be too obvious.

Hear about the new gay sitcom?
"Leave it, it's Beaver."

What's the difference between a straight rodeo and a gay rodeo?
Well, at the STRAIGHT rodeo, the crowd yells, "Ride that sucker!!"

A belligerent drunk walks into a bar and hollers: "I can lick any man in
the place!" The nearest customer looks him up and down, then says:
"Crude, but direct. Tell me, is this your first time in a gay bar?"

The gay man had come to have a tooth extracted. The dentist approached
him with a hyperdermic and said, "You're going to feel a little prick in
your mouth at first." The patient smiled and said, "Thank you for helping
to ease my nerves."

Two homosexuals decide to go to the carnival. One says to the other
"Fancy coming for a ride on the chair-o-plane?" "No", says the other,
"I've had enough." So the first man gets on the ride and starts to go
around and around and then a terrible accident happens. The ride spins
out of control and the guy is thrown off the ride and lands in the
next field. His friend quickly rushes over and asks, "Are you hurt?" The
injured man says, "Hurt! Of course I'm hurt! I went around on that
thing a dozen times and you didn't wave once."

A man walks into a bar and sees a monkey perched on a stool. He
immediately breaks into a fit complaining about health regulations and
all that. The bartender says "Calm down. This is a trained Monkey!" The
man replies "Oh ya? What can it do?" [can you see where this is leading?]
The bartender takes out a bat and whacks the monkey up side the head. The
monkey jumps off the stool, runs to the tap. Pours the bartender a beer,
runs back, gives the bartender the beer, unzips his pants and gives him a
blow job. The man says "Holy shit. I've never seen anything like that in
my life!" The bartender asks the man if he wants to try it. The man says
"Sure. Just don't hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."

How can you tell you've just walked into a gay church?
Only half the congregation is kneeling.

Did you hear that Ellen committed suicide?
They found her face down in Ricki Lake.

How do you get 100 queers into a phone booth?
Throw in Tom Cruise

How do you get 100 queers out of that phone booth?
Throw in Anita Bryant

What is the ultimate rejection?
When you're jerking yourself off, and your hand falls asleep.

A guy is walking down the street and enters a clock shop. While looking
around, he notices a drop dead gorgeous male clerk behind the counter.
He walks up to the counter where he is standing, unzips his pants, and
places his dick on the counter. "What are you doing, sir?", the clerk
asks. "This is a clockshop!!" He replied, "I know it is. And I would like
two hands and a face put on THIS!!"

What do you call a bouncer in a gay bar?
A flame thrower.

What is the space between the cock and the asshole called?
A chin rest.

A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from
his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the
kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big
sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you: I'm gay."  His mother
made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to
make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was
stirring and said calmly, "So, you're gay-doesn't that mean you put other
men's penises in your mouth?" The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom,
that's right." His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly
whirled around, whacked him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don't
you EVER complain about my cooking again!!"

Q: What is the definition of innocence?
A: A nun working in a condom factory who thinks she's making sleeping bags
   for mice.

Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear miniskirts?
A: Because their balls would hang out.

In Greece, how do they separate the men from the boys?
With a crowbar.

How many gay men does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. One to change the bulb and the other six to scream "faaaaabulous!"