DOS Air ------- Passengers walk out onto the runway, grab a hold of the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, then jump off when it hits the ground. They grab the plane again, push it back into the air, jump on, jump off.... DOS with QEMM Airlines ---------------------- The same thing but with more leg room to push. MAC Airways ----------- The stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers, ticket agents all look the same, talk the same and act the same. When you ask them questions, they reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie. Windows Airlines ---------------- The terminal is neat and clean, the attendants courteous, the pilots capable. The fleet of Learjets the carrier operates is immense. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushes above the clouds, and, at 20,000 ft, explodes without out warning. OS/2 Skyways ------------ The terminal is almosy empty-only a few prospective passengers mill around. The announcer says that a flight has just departed, although no planes appear to be on the runway. Airline personel appologize profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time at the sleek, powerful jets outside. They tell each passenger how great the flight will be on these new jets and how much safer it will be then Windows Airlines, but they will have to wait a little bit longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems. Naybe until mid-1995....maybe longer. Fly Windows NT -------------- Passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, and place them in an outline of a plane. They sit down, flap their arms, and make jet swooshing sounds as if they were flying... Unix Express ------------ Passengers bring a piece of the airplane and a box of tools with them to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing about what kind of plane they want to build. The passengers break up into groups and build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Only some of the passengers reach their destination, but ALL of them believe they did... AMIGA AIR --------- A small private airline with lots of in-flight movies, snacks and other luxuries to keep the passengers happy. Unfortunately, after take-off, the plane has nowhere to go and keeps flying in circles until it runs out of fuel and crashes. The few surviving passengers, unable to comprehend the magnitude of the disaster, ardently vow to keep flying the same plane once it's put back together. (from a talk by an anonymous IBM employee) CHICAGO Airlines ---------------- The captain has been announcing boarding plans for about a year and as soon as it's ready you'll be told where you are going. In the meantime you can stand at the window and crane your neck with reporters from every magazine on the continent. Linux Air --------- Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"