Why Beer is Better than Women... 1) You can enjoy a beer all month long 2) beer stains wash out 3) When your beer goes flat, you can toss it out 4) Beer is never late 5) HANGOVERS go away 6) A beer doesn't get jealous if you come home with another beer 7) Beer labels come off without a fight 8) You can always pick up a beer in the bar 9) After you have had a beer, the bottle is worth a dime 10) A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath 11) If you pour a beer right, you always get good head 12) A beer is always wet 13) A beer always goes down easy 14) You can share a beer with your friends 15) you always know you are the first one to pop a beer 16) You can have a beer in public 17) A beer doesn't care when you come 18) A frigid beer is a good beer 19) You don't have to wash a beer for it to taste good 20) Either one gives you a good night and you wake up with a head ache, one just goes away by noon. 21) A beer won't make you go to church. 22) A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman. 23) A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit. 24) A beer doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose". 25) A beer doesn't give a [expletive deleted] if you keep a bunch of other beers around. 26) A beer will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with the babies are "cute". 27) If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while. 28) A beer will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman" instead of "doberperson". 29) A beer won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian folk music on yer fave radio station. 30) A beer won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads. 31) A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up. 32) If you mention a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8" around a beer, it won't think you're talking about an enormous can of vegetable juice. 33) A beer won't whine that seatbelts hurt. 34) A beer won't smoke in your car. 35) A beer won't argue that there's no difference between shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky. 37) A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission. 38) A beer will actually _support_ belching and farting and share yer enthusiasm for getting them included as demonstration sports in the 1992 Olympic Games in Barcelona. 39) A beer is always ready to leave on time. 40) A beer never fishes for compliments. 41) Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits. 42) Beer tastes _good_. 43) If you take a beer outta the fridge just to look at it but then decide to drink it, the beer won't accuse you of "date rape". 44) A beer won't raise any objections to an evening of watching "John Holmes' Greatest Hits" on yer VCR. 45) An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it. 46) A beer won't think the Circle Jerks are gross just because they're called the Circle Jerks. (They _are_ gross, but that's not why). 47) A beer won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the grocery store. 48) A beer won't accuse you of lying when you say you read Playboy "just for the articles". (You _are_ lying, but the beer won't accuse you of it). 49) A beer won't worry that you'll go to jail if you videotape a Giants game without the expressed, written consent of the National Football League. 50) A beer won't fill up your car with cheesy 85-octane gas with the excuse "but I saved a quarter!" 51) A beer will _never_ make you go to a Swedish movie. 52) A beer will _never_ make you turn off "Fists of Fury Theater" on channel 5 on Saturday afternoons. 53) A beer won't accuse you of being a sexist pig if you say "Gene Hackman" instead of "Gene Hackperson". 54) A beer won't make you eat some experimental vegetarian meal that tastes like STP Oil Treatment.