Things NOT to say during sex

But everybody looks funny naked!

You woke me up for that?

Did I mention the video camera?

(in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...

Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?

Person 1: This is your first time..right? Person 2: Yeah.. today

(in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!

Can you please pass me the remote control?

Do you accept Visa?

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

On second thought, let's turn off the lights.

And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend!

Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!

Got any penicillin?

Smile, you're on Candid Camera!

I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!

So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!

(in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?

Did you know the ceiling needs painting?

I think you have it on backwards.

When is this supposed to feel good?

Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!

You're good enough to do this for a living!

Did I remember to take my pill?

Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?

I wish we got the Playboy channel...

I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!

But my cat always sleeps on that pillow..

Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?

No, really... I do this part better myself!

It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!

This would be more fun with a few more people..

You're almost as good as my ex!

You look younger than you feel.

Now I know why he/she dumped you...

And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!

What are you planning to make for breakfast?

I have a confession...

I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!

You'll still vote for me, won't you?

Did I mention my transsexual operation?

Did you come yet, dear?

I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing
about...

A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!

Does this count as a date?

Hic! I need another beer for this please.

When would you like to meet my parents?

Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?

Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names.

(in a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?

Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.

You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!

Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...

My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!

Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?

Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...

How long do you plan to be "almost there"?

You mean you're NOT my blind date?