You know it's a bad day when .........

  -  The sun comes up in the west.

  -  You jump out of bed and miss the floor.

  -  The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.

  -  You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

  -  Your wife said, "Good Morning, John" and your name is George.

  -  Your bar of ivory soap sinks.

  -  You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

  -  You walk to work and discover your dress is stuck in the back
     of your pantyhose.

  -  You car horn gets stuck when following a group of Hell's Angels
     on a deserted expressway.

  -  Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own
     business.

  -  Your pet rock snaps at your.

  -  Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.